The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
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