Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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