The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
