the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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