I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
