i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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