I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
zippers are such a cool invention
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
You may now shotgun with the bride
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
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