I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
