love makes seman taste better
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
