Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
