sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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