I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
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