I cannot find my penis.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
