im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
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