you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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