I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
