in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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