She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
My vagina just clenched in fear
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
