Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Randomize
