i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize