I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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