Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
