I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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