I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Randomize
