I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
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