the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Randomize
