he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
two words...techno handjob
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
