It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Randomize
