yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
The feeling are messing with the penis
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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