I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
