dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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