i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
