Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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