I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
