I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
