If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
i just google imaged poop.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
