I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Dicks are not precious.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
