Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
