Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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