What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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