You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
