Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
