You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
