weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
i barfeds in our rink
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
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