I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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