I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
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