she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
