Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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