I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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