I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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