I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
You dont lie about slip and slides
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
