Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
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