just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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