he puts the penis in happiness.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
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