That's intense
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
