so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
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