this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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