At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
