I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
