apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
