Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
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