I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
lol hangovers are for mortals.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
