I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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