I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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