You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
