He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
