Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I think im going to throw up on grandma
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
