Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Boobs are out for the taking
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
