I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Randomize
