Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
