Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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