So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Randomize
