I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
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