are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
