Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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