Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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