We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
time to smoke my breakfast
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
